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Husband, father, grandfather, friend...a few of the roles acquired in 62 years of living.  I keep an upbeat attitude, loving humor and the singular freedom of a perfect laugh.  I don't let curmudgeons ruin my day; that only gives them power over me.  Having experienced death once, I no longer fear it, although I am still frightened by the process of dying.  I love to write because it allows me the freedom to vent those complex feelings that bounce restlessly off the walls of my mind; and express the beauty that can only be found within the human heart.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Meteorologist Jokes

Copyright © 2009 by Ralph Couey
 And now for something completely eclectic...

How come it never rains inside a barn?
It's a stable atmosphere.

What did the Irish meteorologist name the stream behind his house?
The Mary O'Donnell Flow

What's the wierdest kind of snow?
Lake effect.  Because it can be Erie.

What kind of atmosphere exists in a theater during a chick flick?
A cry-osphere.

What does a meteorologist call the "Man Space" in his house?
The Him-osphere

What do you call a divorce lawyer's office?
The Exosphere.

What do you get if you're too slow in changing a diaper?
The jet stream.

What do meteorologists get after a long night of tacos and bad tequila?
Rear flank downdrafts and backing winds.

What do you call a kid's room?

Why did the meteorologist paint a big blue "L" on his house?
He wanted it to be an area of low pressure.

When is the monsoon?
Before the mon-later.

If Jeff Foxworthy had invented the WSR-99, what might he have called it?
Necks Red Radar.

What do they call the main conference room at The Weather Channel?
The Inner Topical Conversance Zone.

What does a meteorologist become at night?
A snore-easter.

What do meteorologists call a row of martinis?
The Dry Line.

What do meteorologists call a row of babies?
The Squall Line.

What do meteorologists call a beer tap?
The Gulp Stream.

To a meteorologist, what’s the most important consideration in a restaurant?

How do meteorologists become mountain climbers?
They study Climb-It-All-ogy.

What is a female meteorologist’s response to a bad pickup line?
Cold Front.

Why do meteorologists refer to sex as conduction?
It’s the transfer of heat between two bodies in contact.

How do meteorologists rate a tavern?
With a Bar-ometer.

Where do meteorologists go after work?
The Milli-Bar.

What happens at the Milli-Bar?

What if the place was outside of town?
It would be the Iso-Bar.

What if the Milli-Bar was at zero degrees latitude?
It would be the Equatorial Trough.

What do meteorologists call a promotion?
An updraft.

...and a demotion?

When someone gets fired?

What do you call a group of storm spotters?
A funnel crowd.

What game do storm spotters like to play?

Who cuts a meteorologist's hair?
A Canadian Clipper.

How does a meteorologist get a mohawk?
With a vertical shear.

How might a male meteorologist describe a shapely young lady?
A vertically-stacked system.

What happens when a male meteorologist forgets his anniversary?
An approaching cold front with explosive storm development.

What do you call a meteorologist super hero?

What is the term for the science of dating?

What does a meteorologist call a Harley Davidson showroom?

What do meteorologists call PMS?
Conditional instability.

What meteorological condition is known as a "Marie Antoinette?"
Cut-off High

What meteorological condition is known as a "John Bobbit?"
Cut-off low.

What does a meteorologist cry before teeing off?

Why do meteorologists like to eat ice pellets?
They have a sleet tooth.

Why is the DEA suspicious of meteorologists?
They keep talking about Canadian Highs.

Why did the Puerto Rican Meteorologist go for counseling?
He had a tropical depression.

What's the difference between a politician and a Santa Ana Wind?
Is there one?

What does a meteorologist's wife call the point at which the force of nagging overcomes the inertia of a day off?
The "Do" point.

What is the only sound heard by a meteorologist in love?
A Beau echo.

What do you call a psychic meteorologist?
The Weather Channeler.

What do you call a group of NEXRAD experts?

How do meteorologists coats wear out?
They develop Gore-Tex breakdown.

What do you call meteorologist DNA?

What happened to Josh Wurman's hair?

What's different about a meteorologist's dandruff?
Crystalline flake structure.

Why do teenage boys want to become meteorologists?
Because they get to work with weather models.
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