Copyright © 2020
by Ralph F. Couey
So, after ranting about yardwork the other day, today we went out to the backyard and raked up a two-day accumulation of mango leaves. Again, the trade winds were blowing, and at times we were forced to re-pile leaves, after chasing them across the property. But in the midst of that effort, something interesting happened.
As I was raking, something gray flashed by my leg. I looked down to see a baby bird sitting on the ground. Above our heads, we became aware of a couple of birds, parents obviously, hovering above and chattering loudly and frantically. Apparently, it was time for the baby bird to learn to fly, and the lesson was not going well. We were concerned because our neighborhood is home to a large population of feral cats, and the last thing we wanted was for this cute little birdie to become dinner.
Of course, we kept our distance. We know that if you try to put a baby bird back into the tree, the parents will ignore it because of the human smell now on the bird. Eventually, the bird gathered it's courage and flew a few feet to latch onto the window screen. We moved in quickly to gather the leaves and then retreated.
The parents were flitting about frantically, squawking what I hoped were encouraging messages to their baby. We felt an instant kinship with them, as anyone who has raised children would. Instinctively, we realized that the time had come for the baby to grow up.
There are a lot of difficult, but important tasks parents must perform over the years, but the most important one is preparing them for what we like to call "real life." A parent's concern over their kid's welfare never goes away and we have to understand that at some point, they have to be pushed out of the nest and allowed to succeed...or fail...on their own. For us to continue to hover over them and protect them from life well into their 20's only cripples them. Our job, then, is to prepare them by allowing them to experience adversity and failure, and making sure they learn from those experiences rather than be defeated by them. Remember what Yoda told Luke: "Pass on what you have learned. Strength. Mastery, yes. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters." Substitute "parents" for "masters" and you have what should be every Dad and Mom's mantra.
It's been said that life is cruel. That's not really accurate. Life is indifferent, at least to the individual human. Whether a person succeeds wildly or fails miserably is in large part up to them. Being taught that working 60 or 70 hours a week in your 20's, and using that time to learn what is needed is what is required in order to ascend any ladder, regardless of what path is chosen. Yes, there will be tough times, but the willingness to face them head-on gifts a kind of strength that can be learned no other way. Also, surviving adversity, whether as defeat or victory, makes the eventual success that much sweeter.
It's hard to push a youngster out of a nest. It's hard for that child to leave the nest. But only they can learn how to fly themselves. We are not immortal. At some point, we will pass from this life, and they will be left alone. Only they can keep themselves from becoming cat food.
I thought about this as I watched the baby bird take its first few flights. Before long, it will learn how to fly higher, to soar on the winds while learning how to use the physics of the atmosphere to their own advantage. It will learn how to feed and evade predators. And when the time comes, it will pass those hard-won lessons to their offspring.
Wisdom can be defined as the confluence of experience and pain. Earning it is never easy; was never meant to be. Knowledge is important. But it is wisdom that teaches us how to wield knowledge. It is wisdom that tells us when to hold on.
And it is wisdom that will tell us when it is time to let go.
This is how the future survives.
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