I Miss Hugs

Daily Mail UK

"All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another

human being, not just with my hands,

but with my heart."

--Tahereh Mafi

Copyright © 2020

by Ralph F. Couey

For most of us, we are in the second or third week of lockdown.  It's been long enough that some actually miss going to work.  As much as we like time off, the pandemic takes all the fun out of it.

The thing is, the mandatory stay-at-home order doesn't seem to be having any effect.  The virus is still spreading, people are still getting sick, and some are still dying.  Some of us are actively ignoring the  quarantine.  Over the weekend, Virginia governor Ralph Northam was so frustrated at the crowds that gathered at the state's beaches, that he shut them all down.  In some cities, the police are beginning to cite and/or arrest people who are daring to go out and gather.  For the more compliant among us, the novelty of being home is wearing off, and the walls are beginning to close in.

Cheryl and I are fortunate in that we are both still working, although her hours have been cut back.  Where I work, the whole Coronavirus thing is up front and center, a crisis that has become all-consuming.  I get to interact with my colleagues on a daily basis, and I'm beginning to appreciate what a valuable thing  that is.

But even with that, I know now that there are certain human interactions that are necessary to our emotional well-being.  The more I thought about it, I realized how much I've missed the simple handshake.



I can't speak for ladies, but for men a handshake is more than a simple social custom.  There's so much that's communicated in that simple act.  A short perfunctory shake indicates that the other person doesn't take you too seriously.  A longer shake accompanied by a hard squeeze is an attempt to assert dominance.  You can detect nervousness in a sweaty palm, or anger in the way the shake is conducted.  The perfect handshake, firm, just the right length accompanied by a meeting of the eyes and a smile means mutual respect.  That's the one you want.  At this point, I think I'd be happy with a perfunctory shake of a sweaty hand, just to be able to touch another human being.

Also shut down are any gatherings of more than ten people.  This means our Irish music sessions are history for now.  I've written before of how much I love getting together with them, how much I enjoy the music and the shared affection for the hundreds of songs that so articulate the people of that distant emerald isle. They're a fun group, and I'm honored and humbled to have been asked to join their circle.

Humans are social beings.  We need each other in ways we never really appreciate.  It takes times like this to remind us of how important we are to each other.  Social distancing adds to the sense of isolation.  We're still allowed to exercise here, but when I'm out doing my walks, when I  approach fellow exercisers, we both swing wide to open up that mandated six-foot separation.  At times, this puts one of us into the lane of traffic.  Not that there's much of that these days.  I'm a fairly gregarious fellow, and despite the situation, I can't help but feel sad about that.

This pandemic is not only harming our physical health, but is doing even greater harm to our emotional health.  The shuttering of houses of worship enhanced that separation.  Our congregation is filled with huggers.  It's how we express love and concern to each other, and also a sense of unity and shared experience. It's a moment when we drop all our barriers. A hug communicates not only love, but concern as well; an unstated willingness to share openly with each other.  And to show how much we mean to each other. I really miss that.

The big concern voiced in the news these days is the economy and how quickly it might recover once the virus is vanquished.  But I worry about us; our ability and willingness to reach out to each other.  When this is over, will we be willing to to reengage with each other, to start the handshakes and hugs once again?  Or will there be some lingering hesitation?  I'd like to think that the better and brighter parts of our natures will reassert themselves.  Time will tell.  As Yoda so wisely said, "Always in motion, the future is."  There's no way to accurately predict the future.  We have to experience it as it arrives.

To the few of those out there who read this blog, I hope the best for all of you, and know that if you're feeling lonely, you're not alone in that.  We can still talk via phone, video, using any of the myriad technological miracles of the 21st century.  This thing will end eventually.  Once that happens, I hope we can all return to some semblance of relational normality.  Until then, I send to all of your a host of virtual hugs.  Not much, I know; but it will have to do for now.