"People take different roads.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost."
--H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Copyright © 2020
by Ralph F. Couey
The pursuit of knowledge in defining the speed of light was primarily to try to define, in a universe where everything is in motion, an absolute standard for distance and velocity. What was discovered was that light always travels at the same velocity, regardless if the object emitting or reflecting that light was closing, receding, or at a constant distance.
There was also another search for a standard at that time, as to which society or culture would be held as the standard by which to measure others. In a time of exploration and collision of cultures, this was deemed to be important.
That regrettable urge remains with us today. Not only do we compare large-scale social, political, religious, or economic systems, we are always using the smaller picture of our own lives as a yardstick for measuring others. The impulse for this lies in the often-fragile structure of the human ego.
Pride can be a valuable trait. It is essential for our self respect that we should find value in who and what we are. It is what gives us confidence to tackle difficult tasks, or willingly place ourselves in less than comfortable circumstances when we know we can do some good. But like so many other things, the key to pride is in moderation. None of us are as smart as we think (or wish) we are. None of us are as skilled as we would like to be. None of us have all the answers to the unanswerable questions. Even though there are times when we can and should pitch into a situation, there are other times when it is wiser and better to stand back. As Harry Callaghan once said, "A good (person) knows their limitations."
There is a part of us who always wants to the the source of wisdom, the "wise old sage" to whose door people will tramp to for lessons and wisdom. All too often, however, the answer we have is irrelevant, ill-informed, or just plain wrong. And thus advised, those who took our advice end up in an even deeper hole.
In our lives, we acquire knowledge through the learning process. Most times, this involves teachers and instructors who dedicate themselves to filling our brains with what we need to know. But wisdom, which I have always defined as the nexus of knowledge and pain, cannot be taught; it can only be learned. More often than not, the process of becoming wise hurts in the worst way. But this pain is a necessary part of growing. A lot of parents work overtime to keep their children from experiencing pain in any way, thus rendering them manifestly unprepared for life. Life is neither good nor bad; life is indifferent. It is in the experiences and how we learn to deal with them that dictates the quality of a particular life. It is an uncomfortable fact that most of the bad circumstances in which we find ourselves are the result of our own decisions, actions, and choices; in short, nobody's fault but our own. The hardest lesson of life is learning to acknowledge those causes. Then, not giving in, but learning from those unfortunate choices and not making them ever again.
But we still compare, using the yardstick of our own situations and values as a way of casting stones at someone else so that our own ego is reinforced. This trait reveals itself in the conversations we have. Unfortunately one of our favorite recreations is gossip, the spreading of disparaging information which is almost never based on fact, or complete understanding of context. In running someone else down, we feel we are better, smarter, wiser choice-makers, taking comfort in the delusion that we would never do that ourselves. In reality, we all have situations that others will find delight in judging. Yes, whether we want to admit it or not, we all live in glass houses where we stand out front with stones in hand.
Every human's life is necessarily unique to them. Their lives are filled with things that see, touch, feel, or hear. Our reaction to those things are framed in the lens of our own path. The choices reflect the lens through which life is viewed. Nobody else has lived that life, therefore, nobody else has walked that path. Therefore, nobody else is going to react the same way. My sister and I were raised in the same house, but our views are not only different, but at times diametrically opposed. But even though I disagree with her, she is still my beloved sister. And I respect her journey. We exchange opinions, but neither of us is under the delusion that we will convert each other. And I'm okay with that.
And that's where we all find ourselves today. We all have different lives, with different lenses. But we get angry and hateful because we somehow expect everyone to agree with us. We have wrapped our sense of self-esteem around our opinions, and view any opposing view as a personal attack requiring, as John Kennedy once described, a "full retaliatory response." None of us is possessed of ultimate knowledge or wisdom, therefore we should not put ourselves in the position of condemning someone else's journey.
We place way too much value on being "right," ignoring the very real possibility that what is "right" for us would be a disaster for someone else. Being human is a full-time job. Perhaps that's the job upon which we should be focused.
Some 23 times in the Bible we are told to love each other, that the expression of that love and respect is what defines a disciple. The Bible also warns us not to condemn each other, as condemnation is an act springing from the dark aspect of pride. Perhaps when someone disagrees with us, rather than getting defensive or angry, perhaps it is better to ask them to explain the aspects of their journey which brought them to that point. That's sharing on a personal, even a deep level. It is the level where relationships begin; where friendships are forged. Where lives are changed.
What do you think? Isn't that better than throwing things at each other?
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