About Me

Pearl City, HI, United States
Husband, father, grandfather, friend...a few of the roles acquired in 69 years of living. I keep an upbeat attitude, loving humor and the singular freedom of a perfect laugh. I don't let curmudgeons ruin my day; that only gives them power over me. Having experienced death once, I no longer fear it, although I am still frightened by the process of dying. I love to write because it allows me the freedom to vent those complex feelings that bounce restlessly off the walls of my mind; and express the beauty that can only be found within the human heart.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

No Words, No Understanding...Just Grief


"Sometimes, there are just no words."
--Unknown

Since the news came across last Wednesday of yet another school shooting, I have been struggling; struggling to understand or even find some kind of context. I cannot find either. 

Writing is, for me, a form of coping.  When incomprehensible things happen, I try to find words that may lead to some kind of understanding of what happened.  But there is no understanding this kind of tragedy.  In a flurry of violence at a high school in Parkland, Florida, 17 lives were ended, 14 teenagers and three adults.  And in like so many other mass shootings since Columbine, the country grieves.

The killer was a young adult with a troubled history.  When he was identified as the shooter, nobody who knew him or knew of him was surprised.  In the days since, we've learned that the FBI knew about him, the Broward County Sheriff's Office had been to his home multiple times.  He had been expelled because of violent acts in school.  So...the students knew he was a threat; faculty knew he was a threat; staff and administration knew he was a threat; and law enforcement knew he was a threat.  The "why" of how nobody thought it was important to bring him in, at least for a discussion or even a court-ordered psych eval will eventually be revealed, and we will know how he slipped through this multitude of cracks.

Meanwhile in Parkland, the burials have begun.  Families and friends have been submerged in grief, a sense of loss that will never truly go away.  And the rest of us will again realize that even in a place where children play and learn, they are not safe.


The disgusting part of this for me was watching and listening as the political machines of both parties exploited this tragedy for their own purposes.  If there ever was needed an example of how low our political system has sunk, this surely provided.  

Several years ago, I visited the memorial in Littleton, Colorado for the victims of the Columbine shooting.  It is hard to realize that it has been nearly 19 years since then.  The students who survived that dark day in 1999 are now in their mid-thirties, and are doubtlessly still haunted by that memory.  I expect that every time another school shooting happens, their nightmares return.  But I went there that cold, blustery day because I didn't want to think just about the numbers.  I felt it necessary to discover the people who died that day, to learn and try to remember their names. I feel the same way today.  I want to remember them as the people they were, and especially the promise they represented in those lives cut so brutally short.

Alyssa Alhadeff was 14, a soccer player who was known and respected in the travel team community.  She is remembered as being smart, beautiful, successful and loved by all who knew her.

35-year-old Scott Beigel was a geography teacher who was shot as he tried to get students to safety.  He is being remembered as a hero.

Martin Duque Aguiano was also 14, and is remembered as funny, caring, sweet and outgoing.

Nicholas Dworet was a 17-year-old senior and had already been recruited for the University of Indianapolis swim team.  

Aaron Feis, 37, was an assistant football coach.  He died as a human shield, placing his body between the shooter and his students.  A student remembered seeing Coach Feis running towards the sound of the gunfire.

Jaime Guttenberg was 14.  Her picture shows a lovely young girl with a wonderful smile.  Her brother, Jesse, survived.

Athletic Director Chris Hixson was 49, and was described as a man for whom the students were his reason for being.  He extended help to so many, from lunch money to bringing them into his home.  He also coached wrestling.  He was an Iraqi War veteran.

Curly-haired Luke Hoyer was 15.  He is remembered as an amazing individual, always happy, always smiling.  His good cheer was very infectious.

14-year-old Cara Loughran was an Irish dancer, described as a beautiful soul who always had a smile on her face.

Gina Montalto was 14, a member of the Winter Guard, part of the school band.  She is being described as the sweetest soul ever, a gifted artist who always carried an art book with her.

Joaquin Oliver was 17, and an immigrant to this country from Venezuela.  He was interested in sports and hip-hop.  His final Instagram posting on December 31st, read, "Thank you lord for putting a greater blessing than I could ever imagine into my life this past year. I love you with all my heart."

Alaina Petty was 14. Vibrant and determined, she volunteered in the aftermath of Hurricane Irma, and was a member of the Junior ROTC.

Meadow Pollack was already 18, and had been accepted at Lynn University in nearby Boca Raton. A friend wrote, "Rest in Peace, my beautiful angel. You are and forever will be loved."

Helena Ramsay, 17, is remembered as smart, kind-hearted, and thoughtful. She had a relentless motivation towards her studies.

14-year-old Alex Schachter played trombone and baritone in the band and orchestra. His director felt he had a real future in music.

Carmen Schentrup, 16, was a National Merit Scholarship finalist, remembered as brilliant with nothing but a bright future before her.

Peter Wang was 15, an ROTC member and a budding chef who could always make people laugh.

For the children, we will never know how their lives would have turned out, what promise was cut short. They would have been amazing stories to tell. For the adults, we see again teachers who put the safety of their students before their own lives. This is a common element in all these tragic shootings. We should always remember these sacrifices and never look at a teacher the same way again.

We need to remember these people as people, and not just as numbers. We need to remember their lives, and the futures that were eliminated.

And we need to remember the families and friends, and respect their grief.

This was the latest of these shootings, and is unlikely to be the last. As the information becomes available and the stories unfold over time, we should learn some lessons that may keep others safe in the future. The most obvious one for me right now is that of awareness. Too many people knew of the danger Nikolas Cruz represented, and nobody acted on that knowledge. Hopefully, from here on out, we will all remember the new watchword of life in these dangerous times.

"If you see something, if you hear something, if you know something, for God's sake, SAY SOMETHING!

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