From Wajahat Kazmi
Copyright © 2015
By Ralph F. Couey
Written content only,
except quoted and cited passages.
"You have heard that it was said
'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'
But I say to you, love your enemies;
Bless those who curse you;
Do good to those that hate you,
And pray for those that spitefully use you
and persecute you."
Over the past few weeks, I've been engaged in what is called a "Life Audit." It has been an interesting journey, to say the least. In this process, I've been confronted with questions that required a deep, introspective, and sometimes troubling exploration of the innermost parts of my attitudes and personality. This is not an exercise for the faint of heart, or for those who lack courage. An honest question requires an honest answer, even when that honesty is distinctly painful.
The list of questions posed required me to spend quite a bit of time poking into some of the darker places of my mind and heart, and that is difficult, for it required me to dredge up and face aspects of my heart that I would have been much more comfortable ignoring.
One of the things I found was that when I get angry, frustrated, or just grumpy my zone of awareness shrinks down to a small circle which more often than not is occupied only by me. In that state, I am unable to acknowledge, or even see anything pleasant or positive. I become very sensitive to those things that I already know will upset me even further. The result of that being that I isolate myself away from others because I already know that in that state I am not pleasant company.
I was asked what, during the day, motivates me to be positive, and what I look forward to each day. I was also asked what constituted a perfect day, and a perfect week. I took this seriously, and in the deep contemplation of those questions, I found some things which I nicknamed my "inner uglies."
Once I dragged them out, it was very uncomfortable to look at them. I had thought that those kinds of things were not a part of my makeup, but there they were, red-eyed and snarling, staring me down. It was kind of like biting into a slice of bread and tasting mold.